Friday, May 28, 2010

Fine then, V is for Vendetta (and Vegetable)

Vendettas. I'm kinda gifted at them. This is something that I've managed to keep a secret for a long time, because I think that the funniest jokes are the private ones, and the best revenge is always, always unlooked for and mysterious. Personally, I enjoy the mail-based revenge protocol.

My favorite thus far involved sending a serious of suggestive vegetable postcards to a weasely liar man in LA over a period of years, knowing that his psychotic redheaded girlfriend--the one who threatened to shoot my husband (SHOOT. HIM.) because he shouted into what turned out to be her bathroom window about possibly getting the music turned down so that we couldn't hear it across the courtyard in our own shower--would freak. Suggestive vegetables, you say? Oh yes, I do say.

Take a look, for example, at an artichoke:

One purple lipstick kiss at the back of the card. No signature.

Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lor.


  1. Tell the one about the trunk and the perfume!

  2. tee hee.

    Here's one to file away for later. When my husband and I were courting, he once got in the mail (anonymously) the lyrics to "The Surrey with the Fringe On Top". Um...

    It's amazing what a big doubt can grow from a little seed - but I'm fairly sure he's not a Friend of Dorothy. So keep show tunes in mind - endless possibilities.