Tuesday, August 23, 2016

A Glory?

If a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her (1 Corinthians 1:15)

Thank you, crazy St Paul, for this little gem. 

Question: what if a woman have "a long hair"? Still a glory? What if it's on her chin? What if, like an iceberg, 11/12s of this hair is below the surface and must be coaxed from a woman's face with pointy pieces of iron, gentle, gentle, just a little non-trembly tugging, a slow and nauseating unraveling of wiry glory? Does one cry Hosana when this one hair finally emerges and is pluck't or is cursing more appropriate because the hair is no longer covered (by face skin) and, if you didn't know it before you've now heard it here, Paul also insisted that women cover their head hairs up for also oddly unexplained reasons. Is face hair the same as head hair? We are nearing the epistemological nexus of the definition and lived experience of "glory" here and we are missing key information

The Bible is forever leaving out the important bits. 

Looks like St Paul here might have known a thing or two about chin hairs himself. 
I assume he is leaving out the details because too much glory is bad for girls. He's a little sweet on us, you know that, right? It's why he is so stern with us. Because he really, really likes us and perhaps even steals a look at us from time to time when he thinks we're not paying any attention. 

That's it for today's Adventures in Exegesis. I'm going to explore the eschatology of toenails one of these days soon so do be sure to never check back.