Saturday, February 13, 2010

Dear Everyone Else in the World

I hope you are enjoying the Olympics. So one of the ice doobies didn't light at the opening ceremonies last night. No biggie: up here in the frozen north we are accustomed to things getting stuck in the cold, even if it is fake cold because you know the whole thing took place inside. Anyhoo, I learned a lot about our country from watching the show last night. A lot of it surprised me.

Many of us could lose a little weight to look our best. I'm looking at you, Ms Lang.

We are culturally manic depressive: from Sara M to Hell's Tap-Dancing Goth Fiddlers to Hallelujah?

We really cannot get over Wayne Gretsky

We want everyone to think of us as a giant unoccupied country of icebergs and wheat

We know what it's like to look small in a giant landscape and we think other people should just let it go, so what if it doesn't make for great TV

I guess Nellie Furtado must be from BC because otherwise wtf?

We wouldn't dream of booting anyone out of the opening ceremonies because they're kind of funny looking. We give them CLOSEUPS.

First nations leaders might be heads of state now, but apparently they don't rate a limo, because they were all late

Michaelle Jean should be our queen

Our Prime Minister has a wife

Anne Murray is still alive! I would have picked her over Nellie.

Joe Biden fits right in.

If we don't win a gold medal, there's going to be some serious pouting.

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