The Genetics of Comedy

Kid started golf lessons today. Why I didn't do this earlier, I don't know.

Because it was the funniest thing I've seen in forever.

It's like Ralph Cramden, David Byrne and Wile E. Coyote are all wrestling for control of this tiny body.



Not all of the parents at the driving range shared my opinion: RE: the hilarity of the attempts of our children to hit a ball with a stick, but these are clearly people whose boy panties are on too tight or who didn't take the right pill when they got up this morning. About 80% of the photos I took will have to be deleted because I was laffing so hard that the images turned out all blurry.

Thank you genetics: you might have blighted him with poor vsion and a nose of dubious straightness, but you have blessed Kid with built-in comedy. I feel that he is going to go far (probably straight into a sand trap, but oh well). He is downstairs watching the Golf Channel right now, looking for tips to improve his swing.

Organic marshmallows

Braved the rain and the SNOW (fer the love of GOD) on the weekend and hit the famers' market to pick up some fixings for a dinner with "the elderly"--Kid's way of referring to his grandparents. (Isn't that hilarious, btw?) The first fruits of early summer piled in shiny mounds. The fragrance of ripe strawberries. Carrots so beautiful that you'd want to wear them as a tiara. If you were weird. Moving right along. . . . Beets that you would want to neck with in the back seat of a car. Gorgeous, earthy, primal, good-for-you goodness.

After hearing us exclaim and sigh and gasp and instruct him on the various wonders of the vegetable kingdom for 45 minutes, Kid sized up the entire place and picked this for his treat:



Organic Froot Loops and fair-trade marshmallows, no doubt.

Took 5 hours to get Kid down from the ceiling, he was so wired. Not all bad: he managed to get some of the winter cobwebs out of the corners up there.

Soul Pancake Prompt

List Five Details About Your Life That Distinguish You From Others

1. I broke my wrist while unfastening my own bra.
2. I once had a nerve bubble in the vicinity of my right elbow that was so large that the surgeon photographed it and submitted it to some freaky nerve-bubble surgery journal.
3. My witchy Scottish grandmother passed some of her gifts to me but they hardly ever work--except that I sometimes get an uncomfortable feeling that I know too much about what some people are really thinking.
4. I once saw an angel in my college apartment kitchen. He was washing his hands. Great wings but I have often wondered what he had to get clean from. That was also about the time I first started to understand that sleep was not just for the weak.
5. I write it all down. All of it.

Oooh, I Want This

Oh, Jacqueline Sanchez, you have captured my heart right here. When I am rich, I will buy this from you. I will buy TWO.

Comment of the Day

Re: organic quinoa pilaf. "Mommy, I don't want this mush to be the last thing I eat."

This Week in Wisdom

1. Never regard the threat " . . . or I'll poo in my Batman jammies" as idle.
2. Even those of us with classic profiles can suffer the indignity of nose zits.
3. Booking a holiday more than two hours in advance of departure tempts the gods to throw some mucus your way.
4. It is completely worth however much it costs to have someone else deal with the coonhound's "fish bum" issues.
5. It is not as easy as you'd think to find a red Lego lightsaber beneath the deck. It's easier to, say, find two wasp nests.
6. Wal-Mart isn't the hell hole I'd imagined it to be. For an evil empire, it is at least brightly lit and features an extensive array of baseball bats.
7. The whole "guys in trucks" thing is STILL NOT OVER.
8. You will miss the coyotes howling when you can no longer hear them.
9. The little indigenous grey squirrel? The cute little one with the white rings around his eyes? Yeah, he's a shit like the rest of them.
10. Always make it clear to the arborist that he is free to use your bathroom. Otherwise, you'll catch him peeing on the raspberry bushes outside your bedroom window when woken from your sick bed by the sound of. . . oh no is that a burst tap in the garden??

Strategic plan

Hey, DARPA plagiarized my strategic plan!



The only thing they changed was the little truck at the bottom right, which is supposed to be a station wagon.

Check out Danger Room for more. If you want to know why I read something called "DangerRoom," you've not been paying attention.