On Day One of Grade One:
Me: How was school? What did you do?
Kid: Oh, just the same old thing.
Me: You seem to be making a habit of spilling your lunch all over your shirt.
Kid: It's not a habit, it's a hobby. It's not a very good hobby, but it's the only one I have.
While helping pick apples:
Dad: Will you please pass me that bowl?
Kid: What did your last servant die of?
While getting ready for bed:
Dad: Get in here, it's time to brush your teeth.
Kid: You weird imperialismed guy.