Saturday, May 3, 2014

Spring in my step?

Okay, so since last September:
Some people I know have died.
Some people I didn't know before were born.
We have had 8 straight months of snow.
The Ice Queen herself grew so fucking sick of this weather that she buggered off to Spain.
I learned about the existence of something called a Snorlax and dipped a sad toe into the world of Pokemon tournaments.
I fell in love with this man.
I perpetrated four baking disasters on perfectly nice people who deserved better.
I didn't finish my novel but read a lot about how to finish my novel.
I established a wiry chin hair preserve.
I started doing hot yoga in an attempt to calm the hell down, but haven't been for a week because I found myself chanting "shut the fuck up shut the fuck up" for 90 minutes as a tattooed child shared his "teachings" on the meaning of life with me as I strained not to buckle at both knees in something called the happy baby pose, which involves pointing your bum at the ceiling while clutching your ankles. At my age this is known as the farting granny pose. 
I tried not to get cancer because everyone else has it and who will be the one to go down to the tuck shop for chips?
I watched my baby sisters grow old.
I avoided the gaze of a judgmental squirrel who thinks I need to cut down on the chips and rootbeer.

I wonder what you've been doing. 

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